Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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