And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
