Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
