So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
