I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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