you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
