Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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