Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
