R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
