so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
