he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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