I think im going to throw up on grandma
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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