did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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