i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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