I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
