my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
