my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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