You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
