My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
