my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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