Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
