she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I have fence marks all over my body
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
