You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
