I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
