my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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