Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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