Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
