the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
