I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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