Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
