you traded sex for a burrito?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
