She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
