Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
