hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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