By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
