I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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