Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
