for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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