She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
