Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Mom said you looked used
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
