I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
