Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
