and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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