I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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