just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
