Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
