it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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