the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
