She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
