He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
