I faked an abortion last night.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
and she was petting her beer can
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
