I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
