I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
